"Lots42 Goes Go The Rehearsel Dinner"

or "Jerry Springer, Where Are You?"

So it came to pass that I, your hero, slid uncomfortable dress clothes on and lugged myself into the car with my brother.
I directed him to my cousin's place, where it turns out my sister, with the ObKid [1] was staying. I spent a long time waiting for the car to get in, reading a Star Trek Next Gen Novel. "Intellivore" by Diane Duane. It's really good. Anywho, it was at this point in time I re-aggravated my back, which had been acting up the past few days but had calmed down.
We get in and head for the resturant. A Chinese buffet resturant.
The front door to the place looks like the front door to a house. Not a good sign.
Inside it was dark. To the right was a bar. To the left was a dwarf with a dagger. Actually, it was a dining area. I didn't see anyone I knew there. Past this dining area was another dining area. (Ooooh).
And here was the buffet! God in heaven, it was tiny. A little itty-bitty buffet. Swimsuit Ilustrated models posed wearing this buffet.
And people came in.
The kids vanished right quick. No, they weren't turned into Kung Pao Chicken. Some people (*cough*, *cough*) expected them to sit at a table, with strangers, after a SEVENTEEN HOUR RIDE IN A CROWDED VAN WITH LITTLE TO NO SLEEP AND IN THE SMOKING SECTION TO BOOT.
Thankfully the kids would have none of this and them and some adults vanished to one of the many hotel rooms scattered across the universe that had been reserved for the upcoming wedding.
I corraled a waitress[2] for I was hungry. She assured me I could start eating.
And people came in.
I got a plate and found a horrible uncomfortable table [3] and I dared to eat.
And people come in.
I found out eating was not good because the bride and the groom were supposed to start.
What? Since when? They start, I start again.
People stopped coming in. I look around. I realize I don't even know a fourth of these people. I also realize the food is crap.
And the conversation decibel level rose. And rose. And rose. So I skedaddled out of there and sat in the original dining room with some desert.
Ick. Who put salt in the choclate pudding? I left the rest to congeal like a pile of poo.
In the midst of all this, I decided to use the can. I opened the door and it smelled like an accident at the ammonia factory so I closed it right back up.
Finally, the end came. My family did the obligatory 'Stand Right Outside The Door And Argue Who Rides With Who And Change Our Minds Seventy-Four Times And Tell No One What Is Agreed Upon'.[4]
On the ride back I discover the wedding is not Sunday as I thought, but in fact, Saturday.
About my dogs. My cousin owns this huge mutant puppy. (Think a puppy the size of an Alaskan Husky). My cousin's boyfriend (who the hell knows if they are married) wants to leave after the reception to make sure the dog is okay. So...I passed a message along and hopefully I can get a ride back to my dogs [5].
I still don't know what the heck the deal is with the overnight rooms...
ATTN: Joe Manfre! The girl who wants me to save a dance for her reminded me in the parking lot of the Chinese place that, I in fact, should save a dance for her. [7]

[1] I think my family tree has bunny genes in it somewhere.
[2] She was a redhead. BAD SIGN. The only decent chinese food places have Chinese employees.
[3] South American torturers must design this table.
[4] It should defy all known philosphies but my family can come to an agreement that everyone does not know of.
[5] The most important things in the world to me.
[6] Yes, even more then Buffy.
[7] My fortune cookie told me that the future holds a treat for me. I'm scared.


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