Uses For Butter
Thanks to brunching.com.
Aah, butter. Sticks of pure death, sitting in your freezer. How can they be used, abused, enjoyed?
(1=Best 26=Worst)
Popcorn
Making popcorn is a tricky business. It's rare to get a bucketfull that isn't drier then the Saraha or so loaded down in grease you have to use a net to get the pieces of corn out.
But once you find the right type of butter and just the right amount of salt (very little) you have fantastic popped corn.
9
Coating The Pan
Without butter to coat the pan we'd get all sort of food stuck to it. Try to eat the food off the pan is bad because you can't get any leverage and your nose will be burned. Then people will think you're a drunk, try to take you to AA and you have to axe-murder them. It's just not worth it.
9
Mac And Cheese
For a bachelor like me, maccaroni is a godsend. Chopping up half a stick of Parkay to glop in the bowl then smooshing it around with the fork so it gets all over the noodles and mixes with the milk at the bottom and becomes covered with cheese like my fingers after eating Cheetos....
Then you sit down in front of the TV and watch M.A.S.H.
Mac and cheese is something I can cook without fatally injuring passerbys.
You HAVE to use Parkay. All other butter pales in comparision. Not literally. All butter is yellow. Unless you got some weird butter from another country or an albino cow. Don't use it.
7
Flinging It At Pedestrians
While fun, it usually ends up with me getting punched in the mouth. On the upside, if they leave the butter behind I can use it to soothe my wounds.
(I should try flinging it from a moving car one of these days).
23
Spreading It On Buns
Since I have the cooking skills of a four year old boy with no arms, the only chance I have to eat hot buns is at a resturaunt. While the bread is big and poofy, the butter is the consistency, size and taste of two bonded carbon atoms. Trying to spread this nuclear nightmare mostly results in a bun the shape of the evil robot in T-2 after Arnold shot him a lot.
14
A Quick Death By Eating A Stick
Ick. Gross. Disgusting.
26
Home | Email | Reviews
Created with the Internettrash HTML Editor